Being a daddy for the first time!

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My nerves go from running idle to 120 mph in moments on a daily basis. Omg, im about to be a father, cannot believe this.

Yesterday I was laying on the couch soaking up my last few hours of laziness when I started to dream, it was a microdream, triggered by my gazing at my incoming son’s automatic rocker. I began to “see” him clearly in the chair with his little wisps of hair. And then i woke up. The whole thing seemed like a dream, as in the whole baby thing seemed like a dream for a few seconds.

Ill be the first to admit that i have no freaking clue what the hell i’m supposed to be doing as a daddy. I only know my expectations for him and that im supposed to feed him, keep him safe, teach him to respect all other beings on earth and respect his mother and father. Im sure i missed a few and im sure ill fill in the blanks as the days go by.

The negative internal dialogue runs once or twice a day, at which point i take control and switch on my positive internal dialogue tapes, pre maid and ready to run in my head all day and over and over again as I sleep:)

He’s not here yet (taking his sweet time, probably in there sucking on his toes),  but i already feel my Self changing. Situations that I would normally react to by taking myself out of the situation and not looking back, now I find myself glued to said situation, maybe its adulthood, or maybe its my son telling me that he needs me to stay there for mommy and himself.

I program myself daily to look at him and think positive thoughts about his future and the man we want him to become. Ill think about how fine a president he’ll make, the awesome job he’ll have, the perfect mate he’ll spend his life with, etc

Speaking of wife, i find my thoughts being filled with images of my wife being tired and her hair being raggeddy and tattered, looking like she just got beat up by a racoon. And then i remember to throw some images in there if her being happy and feeling fulfilled that she is a mom now and she finally has what she calls ” a little version of me”.

These different sets of images in my mind serve as reminders for 2 things:

1) we have a great degree of control over our feelings when we exercise it.

2) the things we constantly play in our heads become the things we experience in our realities, first as changes in internal state and then-in your external circumstances.

I personally think he’s gonna be some super awesome spy, and he’ll have to kill me after he tells me;)

Amir

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2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Ashley on September 10, 2015 at 3:51 pm

    Such a wonderful post. You both already seem well on your way to being amazing parents. He is one lucky little guy. Congrats a million times over to you both!! Welcome to parenthood. I hope to only be as ready as you 2 when my day comes 🙂

    Reply

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